Women at work, beyond the 9 to 5: The untold realities of working mothers’ lives.
Scarlett* works full-time in a tech start-up and shares two primary-aged kids with her husband. She shared her secret weapon – the power of saying no!
The primary school juggle
The return-to-work conversation is often focused on the first year of having a baby. And it’s an important time! 29% of women leave their job permanently within a year of having a baby. But for Scarlett, the juggle of school, after school sports, and music means the juggle is harder now.
“It was easier going back to work with babies, because they go to daycare and can do a long day. With school, getting before and after school care is almost impossible.”
It’s only possible in her family because Scarlett and her husband both have a lot of work flexibility – and he takes a huge role in getting kids to activities.
A good news story
Both Scarlett’s children were born while she was working for the NSW government, which afforded a lot of flexibility around the early baby years. She took 18 months off with each one, and saving leave, taking half pay, and government entitlements meant she had income for the majority of that leave.
“I went back to work part time. That worked well because the government is so well versed in job sharing and part time work. They’re so used to flex leave and things like that, people are coming and going all the time. They took it all in their stride.”
She was given a large, interesting project to lead whilst working part-time, and didn’t face any penalties for taking leave or being part-time.
Challenges finding work
When she was ready for a new challenge, one of the companies Scarlett interviewed with was a software company.
“They told me, ‘there’s no flexibility, you’re going to be travelling 30% of your time, and the job is advertised as 40 hours a week but you’re probably going to be working 60 to get it all done.”
Grateful for their transparency, Scarlett gave them a swift no and took a role in a boutique HR consulting firm.
Working mums retain their ambition
“They target women returning to the workforce after having children who are looking for part time. [We] have that drive and ambition. And one, two, even five years out of the workforce doesn’t change those core skills you need to succeed.”
The company truly respected Scarlett’s part time status, left her alone on days off, and gave her plenty of latitude to cover things like sick kids.
“They were so supportive it blew my mind. At the time a lot of friends of mine has employers who weren’t so understanding.”
Inspiring loyalty
“It meant I loved my job so much that it didn’t take long to build up to four then five days. I stayed there for 5 years, and they gave me three promotions in that time.”
From earlier stories in Beyond the 9 to 5, we know too many women are still sidelined when they return to work due to the motherhood penalty. They then leave – not because they’re not ambitious, but because their job is no longer interesting, challenging, or a good enough reason to be away from their baby.
Scarlett’s story really highlights the flipside – when you give mothers interesting, challenging work while respecting their care responsibilities, they will stay with you for years.
Why we work, and what we miss
For Scarlett, it’s all worth is so she can set an amazing example of a professional women for her children.
“Women are capable, and respected, and can do amazing things.”
Despite her hugely positive outlook on work and parenting, Scarlett teared up when she shared the hardest part of being a working mum.
“The one that hits the heart is having to work late sometimes and missing out on saying goodnight. It doesn’t happen anymore, but it used to in my consulting work. There were times I couldn’t; get away from my desk to read them bedtime stories. That’s part of the juggle.”
The superpower of saying no
Scarlett has a superpower, and it’s boundaries.
“It’s ok to say no. Everything you say yes to, you’re saying no to something else. To be able to enjoy the best that life gives you – your kids, your family, your home, holidays, AND work – you have to say no to some things.”
“Saying no doesn’t mean you won’t get that promotion, it doesn’t mean you’re not interested. It means you respect yourself and your own boundaries, and you respect what you value.”
“There is this fear amongst women that if I’m not 100% committed, always there, always on and available, and always saying yes to whatever’s thrown my way, that opportunity may not come again.”
“Saying no is about showing people you have self-respect and they actually respect you more.”
Moving mountains
Some of Scarlett’s strength in boundaries comes from an earlier experience. With a single, older, childless man as her boss, she found he didn’t understand her desire to have family time and called everyone into the office full time – no more working from home.
90% of Scarlett’s work was with out-of-state clients, so being in the office really wasn’t a value add, but it did add three hours of travel a day. Her boss even said, ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
“The kicker was the time he insisted I be in the office for a 1-1 meeting, and then after arriving, getting a phone call saying, oh I’ve chosen to work from home today, can you make it tomorrow instead.”
“There was no comprehension of the mountains I had to move to be in the office. I gave up more time with the kids, sleep for me, quality time with my husband, all so I could turn up and you not. That’s just disrespectful.”
The importance of passion
Scarlett’s passion is singing, and she’s part of a choir. Her kids have been to performances since they were babies, seeing their mum live her passion.
“My husband and I decided early in our relationship that we didn’t want to lose our sense of self. We each have a passion and that was always going to be non-negotiable. As much as possible we wanted to keep something that is purely for us, that we enjoy as an individual.”
Now, Scarlett’s husband works part time and pulls more of the load with the kids, and Scarlett says it’s worth challenging the status quo.
“I’d like to be a bit of an example for how good saying no is, the power of no is to have pretty much everything in balance. Life is hard work! But it’s awesome.”
*Not her real name. Because of the stigma faced by working mothers, the motherhood penalty, and the fact that the state of women’s relationships directly affects the state of their lives and careers, the women in this series have chosen to remain anonymous.
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