Women at work, beyond the 9 to 5: The untold realities of working mothers’ lives.
Jen’s story is one, that highlights so many real challenges women face balancing work with care.
She transitioned from corporate to self-employment to get increased flexibility which she got! But she also got burned out, so she transitioned back into corporate.
Jen lost her passion job because she had a baby in an industry that allowed fathers to thrive while all the mothers exited.
And her two kids, aged 15 and 13, are both on the spectrum, meaning a scratchy top can throw the entire morning routine out.
Her story is one so many women will resonate with.
Trading security for flexibility
Jen shifted out of her executive role to create her own guilt-free flexibility.
“There are so many expectations on women raising kids and being employed. The number of times I had to explain to work that something’s happened and I’m going to be late. [Working for myself], if I wasn’t able to start work until 11, I didn’t need to ring anyone and tell them.”
“The downside is, I worked until 2 am. The person who lost out was me. Technically my kids were supposed to gain, but they had a tired mum. The workplaces gained because I worked my arse off to get the work done.”
“I just got the hours that were left.”
Jen is part of a growing trend of women leaving formal employment to start businesses that give them increased flexibility and a way around structural labour market disadvantages.
The cost to some of these small businesses is what Jen experienced – uncertain income, potentially long work hours, and insecure work opportunities. For Jen, it didn’t weigh up and she’s transitioned back to employment.
Choosing security over burnout
“For the first time, I’ve ever made a work decision based on financial security.”
“The GP and the psych were warning me, ‘You are in perpetual burnout’. They were saying, ‘If you break then who’s going to care for the kids?’.”
Not wanting to keep the juggle going any longer, Jen returned to her old organisation for a much lower position, in a permanent job with safe pay.
Women are committed to work
The motherhood penalty means women are seen as less committed and ambitious once they have children. But interviews for Beyond the 9 to 5 show time and again that women want to work and Jen is no different.
“I actually really like being a working mum. I really love my job.”
“It allows me to be me – I really flourish and love what I do. It gives me joy, and my kids don’t see the stereotype of trudging off to work. I like using my brain.”
Workplace structures have a huge impact on whether women can succeed. In addition to her corporate job, Jen is also a professional sports referee. Pre-kids, Jen refers to the women’s national league, but a baby changed everything.
Being fouled off the court
“I got pregnant. [I wasn’t] even showing and still really fit, and they told me they wouldn’t put me on any more games because it’s not a good look to have a pregnant woman on TV.”
After having her baby, Jen asked to work fortnightly weekends to do only home games so she could keep breastfeeding.
The sports code said they would only roster her if she could commit to every single weekend. Not willing to stop breastfeeding for her work – particularly when there was no valid reason for her to need to be working every weekend – she stopped refereeing.
“That was my passion. On that field, I’m not mum, I’m not someone’s employer, I’m me and I’m really good at the job I do. I’m respected by the coaches; I shine. It’s everything to me. And here I was being told because I’d had a baby I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“If I had fallen off a ladder and broken my leg, there would be a transition plan to get me back in the game based on the doctor’s advice and my needs – there was no flexibility like that.”
When all the women end up leaving
Reflecting now, Jen says all of the elite-level referees who are women who had children are gone from the sport.
“The ones who are still up there either had a partner who could cover everything and had to choose between a baby and the sport, or they didn’t have kids. All the blokes I did it with are still up there.”
“There aren’t many female refs in the sport, you’d think they’d be hanging on to the good ones.”
As Jen reflects, it’s not limited to sports – in workplaces we still often have older men making decisions about how women should work.
And anywhere that has no women in leadership or high attrition rates after women have children needs to look at the organisational culture and make changes to retain ambitious women.
Putting yourself first
In a culture where mothers are expected to put everyone else first, it can be a radical act to look after your own needs, and Jen is still practicing that.
“I’m still learning and telling myself I have to put myself first.”
“I want to ride my bike to work, but I don’t allow it, because there’s always someone else – family or work – who I feel guilted to serving first. It’s the cultural systemic way we were raised – it’s really hard to stop and unwind what’s been drilled into you.”
“And yet, when I do have the power to do it, and stop and think, ‘what’s the worst that will happen?’, it’s that some young guy is going to say, you’re a bit late. But the best is that the kids go to school regulated and I’ve got myself fully ready – I often walk out of the house missing most of me.”
“Be kind to yourself and make the judgment on what’s right to do based on you and your family, not what someone else or your workplace thinks you should do.”
“I’m trying to redefine what self-care looks like in my own home and remove all those societal and inherited parenting norms, so I can make the right decision for my family.”
*Not her real name. Because of the stigma faced by working mothers, the motherhood penalty, and the fact that the state of women’s relationships directly affects the state of their lives and careers, the women in this series have chosen to remain anonymous.
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