Women at work, beyond the 9 to 5: The untold realities of working mothers’ lives.
Georgina* has three children – five-year-old twins and an eight-year-old. We talked about managing the juggle, who pays for daycare, and how to build fun into our lives.
3 x 3 is too much
Moving around for her husband’s job kept Georgina out of work for four years after her first son was born. After having her twins and settling in Perth, she returned to work. Initially, she started as a sleep consultant, then added in virtually assisting a nutritionist and working as a post-partum doula.
“I had three jobs, three kids, and my husband was working away. And then I went, I don’t think I can do this anymore! I wasn’t even putting the kids into before school care. I hadn’t even thought I could organise a babysitter because that would cost us money.”
Now, she works five days a week during school hours, as a management assistant in admin, which is where she spent most of her career, and feels much more manageable.
With a hyper-independent mother who never asked for help, Georgina is similar.
“I had been really reluctant to ask for help and support when I was working, then this last year I started organising holiday care and before school care so that I could get my hours in without having to sacrifice too much.”
Why financial independence is so important
A point that comes up regularly in feminist discourse is the importance of maintaining financial independence as a woman. It gives us choices and freedom. In Georgina’s case, even with a supportive husband, earning a more regular income meant she finally gave herself permission to ask for help.
“Once I was earning money, I thought I can put that towards babysitting or before school care. I’ve always been the kind of person to say, ‘I can manage, I’ll get through it. I then I thought, ‘I don’t have to manage it, I can ask for help.”
“With childcare and asking someone else to look after the kids, I’ve always thought I ‘should’ be able to do it. I haven’t wanted to ask for help because I didn’t want anyone to think I was not managing.”
Georgina felt like if she wasn’t working – or she wasn’t earning enough – then she should be doing all the childcare. In her mind, she is allocating her income towards childcare – even though she’s quick to say that her husband doesn’t see it like that.
Mum guilt, and how it hurts us
Georgina, like so many of us mums, had really high expectations of herself as a mother and felt like people might judge her for how she was managing things. Then, she let go of some of the guilt.
“I don’t have to do it all when my husband is away for 14 weeks and I’m on my own with three kids. I’m a much better person if I get time away from my kids. I’m a better mum, much more patient.”
Finding yourself after motherhood
For Georgina, a highlight of working is the autonomy, and having something for herself that is completely separate from her kids.
“I didn’t realise how important that was until I wasn’t working for a long time. I lost myself in that.”
“You lose yourself in motherhood anyway. I don’t know who I am, what clothes I want I want to wear anymore, what music do I even like? I lost all of that identity.”
Georgina is one of many women who have shared that motherhood is an unappreciated role – there’s no one saying you’ve done a good job at the end of the day. She enjoys getting positive feedback and her confidence has grown at work.
“I like going into the office the people, having the adult conversations and the connection of being at work.”
Lowering our expectations
Life with three small kids can feel like a bit of a production line. Always checking where to next, what needs to be done, and finishing all the tasks. Now, she wants things to be a bit more fun.
“I’m looking forward to playing Uno with them in the mornings.”
Her advice is to stop being so hard on ourselves.
“Lower the expectations on yourself. You’re doing what you can do right now. If you need to outsource some things, do it (if it’s financially viable). It’s not always going to be perfect.”
“You’ve got so many different aspects you’re managing that I don’t know If there is such thing as balance. Just do your best.”
When mums have more fun, everyone thrives
Like many working mums, it can be hard for Georgina to find time for herself. With so much going on, her focus has been on meditating and regulating her nervous system.
“I try to catch up with my friends as often as I can. I’m running a connection afternoon with ladies in the area – we had 47 at the one on Saturday! I found motherhood a bit isolating, [so] that was something I wanted to do.”
“I know it’s important, and if I do those things then I’m much more regulated. My eldest son said to me yesterday, you need to have some more fun Mum!”
Georgina recently had a three-week streak of treadmill walking.
“I hadn’t been able to do that [for years]. I was feeling so energised and motivated, just from 30 minutes for me first.”
“If I’m just going through the motions doing everything for everybody else first, then I think, what about me, and I complain, ‘when am I going to get time to myself?’. And I’m speaking to children, and how are they going to prioritise my time?!”
What do you even like?
“I need to do something for me, or you get caught in the misery of giving, giving, giving, and not getting anything.”
And for Georgina, it’s important to spend time understanding what matters to you and what you enjoy. She’s always been willing to go with the flow and be guided by what other people want, but hit her 40s and realised she wanted to do something just for herself… but what?
“It’s really difficult to think of what you want when you’re thinking of everybody else needs all the time.”
*Not her real name. Because of the stigma faced by working mothers, the motherhood penalty, and the fact that the state of women’s relationships directly affects the state of their lives and careers, the women in this series have chosen to remain anonymous.
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