Women at work, beyond the 9 to 5: The untold realities of working mothers’ lives.
Maeena* is a first-generation migrant from Malaysia. She moved to Australia 15 years ago with her husband for a working holiday and never left! Now she has a two-year-old son, and is in a two-person team with her husband, managing it all with no family.
When work is who you are
Before having a baby, Maeena worked for start-ups from the initial stages to intense scale-ups with long hours, to international organisations with morning and evening calls – and fitting her life in between all that.
“Most of my life revolved around work. I got burned out a couple of times from how intense everything was.”
During COVID she started freelancing to gain control over her time and pace, but quickly got drawn into another female-founded start up – her specialty as a growth marketer – and went full time.
“I was working insane hours [again], and many of my colleagues were mothers. That was the first time I really paid attention to mothers at work. I was a product manager and spent a lot of time talking to mums about what they found difficult in the early days.”
Then Maeena herself got pregnant.
Managing return to office mandates
Maeena was hired when the start-up was fully remote (and not pregnant), but post-COVID they were talking about a return to the office.
“I was three months pregnant, and they said I had to fly to Sydney every month. I said, ‘I’m pregnant. I would really rather not unless it’s an essential visit!’.”
“That was when I experienced how helpful remote work is. I don’t know how people who were pregnant managed when they had to go to the office. I remember feeling so ill.”
Interviewing when you’re pregnant
Seven months into her pregnancy, the start-up shut down. Maeena didn’t know what to do – she’d been planning to take six months of leave and found a bit of freelance work, but was worried about the lack of a steady paycheck.
Remote interviews meant Maeena could hide her pregnancy, and she started interviewing.
“I had an internal battle about telling them that I was seven months pregnant. I did tell a couple of people and very quickly they said no. Even the ones that would progress said they wanted a hard start date three or five months after giving birth.”
“I also worried about burning bridges [if I didn’t tell them about pregnancy].”
She spoke to seven companies in that time. Five had poor experiences and only two told her they were looking for the right candidate and would wait.
“I was spooked by the whole process by then.”
So she had her baby unemployed.
Back to work after baby
Six weeks after giving birth, Maeena was stressed about childcare and finding a job, so she started looking. She interviewed for a growth marketing role, working part-time and remotely, for a company supporting women in Tanzania to build businesses.
They made an offer in February and agreed to keep the role for her until August so she could take six months of parental leave.
She returned to working flexibly, looking after her son during the day, and working 4 pm – 9 pm four days a week to reach her 24 hours.
“It’s been so good. I never thought an arrangement like this could be possible. Obviously, it’s not without its challenges, going from spending the day with a baby to jumping online. But it’s so flexible, it’s just great.”
Maeena’s partner starts work early and does the evening shift with their son while she works. It’s been working so well they’ve already extended the setup by a year, and now they’re thinking of doing it until their son goes to preschool.
“It does sound crazy from the outside, and it’s intense, but having the freedom and choice to be able to do this is massive. I know mums who are itching to go back to work but there isn’t the flexibility to accommodate them.”
A focus on financial security
Maeena says working makes her feel like herself again. But it also provides her with a sense of financial security.
“[Working] gives me a sense of freedom and flexibility. Mothers often have to take a back seat when it comes to their career because we’re the caretakers at home. I’ve seen first-hand how relationships can fall apart and then suddenly you’re a single mum and have to make it all work. Because when I was pregnant, I got my partner to send half his super to me.”
Other mums have been aghast at that suggestion, but seeing her own mother struggle with raising three kids solo and earning enough money has made her pragmatic.
“You go into this thinking we’re going to be happy together, and if that happens then great! But there’s nothing wrong with taking precautions to keep yourself safe.”
Women retire with significantly less superannuation than men, and Maeena thinks it’s important to even out the playing field.
Flex work as the key ingredient
Becoming a parent isn’t just about that first year when you’re on parental leave and figuring out care options. For some people, the logic of getting primary-aged kids to after-school activities and the transition into high school are just as tough. And although Maeena’s son is just two, she’s thinking about the future.
“It’s not just the first couple of years, this is a commitment that goes on for years. That’s why we need flex work, remote opportunities, and to break the existing [belief] that if you’re not at the office you’re not committed. That excludes women from opportunities, and it’s just going to be men in leadership forever and ever.”
“The other option is getting men to stay at home and look after the after-school activities. We’re never going to fix any of these much bigger problems if we don’t address issues like this.”
“Remote work, flexible work… if companies can make that happen, they will make more opportunities for mums who want to go back to work. We really do, but it’s hard with the current set up. I feel so lucky to have this arrangement, and I’m so grateful.”
*Not her real name. Because of the stigma faced by working mothers, the motherhood penalty, and the fact that the state of women’s relationships directly affects the state of their lives and careers, the women in this series have chosen to remain anonymous.
If you would like to share your story, please send me a message!